“Have you ever stood frozen, unsure of how to respond when someone took a jab at your appearance?

I have—and let me tell you, it stings.

Several years ago, I was at a family gathering when an older relative chuckled and said, “You’d be so much prettier if you lost a bit of that puppy fat.” It wasn’t even meant to be cruel. Just casual. Thoughtless. But it stayed with me far longer than it should have. And like many people, I didn’t have the words in the moment.

Now? I do. And I’ve spent the last three years researching body image, communication psychology, and confidence-building—not just to help myself but to help others clap back with grace, wit, and power.

In this article, I’ll walk you through the psychology behind insults, expert advice on how to respond, and most importantly, a toolkit of smart, respectful, and assertive comebacks for when someone crosses the line.

Why Looks-Based Insults Cut So Deep

You’re not being “too sensitive” if someone’s comment about your looks hits a nerve. According to Dr. Tara Well, psychologist at Barnard College, “Comments about appearance target identity. They can feel like an attack on who we are, not just how we look.”

In a world obsessed with visuals—Instagram filters, TikTok aesthetics, and unrealistic beauty standards—looks-based teasing has become normalised. But that doesn’t make it harmless. In fact, a 2021 UK study published in Body Image found that appearance-based teasing is directly linked to increased body dissatisfaction and anxiety.

How to Respond: The Psychology Behind a Good Comeback

Not all comebacks are created equal. There’s a difference between snapping back with cruelty (which often escalates things) and responding with confidence, clarity, and humour.

“When someone comments on your appearance, they’re often testing your boundaries. A good comeback should communicate self-respect without turning you into the villain,” says British communication coach, Mel Collins.

Let’s explore the types of comebacks that work—and how to tailor them to different situations.

Types of Comebacks for Looks-Based Teasing

1. Calm & Classy Responses

Sometimes, the best revenge is no drama. These comebacks are designed to shut the comment down without giving away your emotional energy.

• “That’s an odd thing to say out loud.”
• “And yet, here I am thriving.”
• “It’s good you said that—I was worried this conversation might be pleasant.”

When to use: Work environments, family gatherings, or public situations where escalation would be awkward.

2. Witty & Disarming Replies

Humour is one of the most effective ways to neutralise an insult. Studies published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggest that witty replies are perceived as higher-status and more confident.

• “If I had a pound for every time someone mentioned my looks… I’d finally afford therapy to process it.”
• “Oh no, I left my desire for your opinion in my other trousers.”
• “Keep the roast coming—at least one of us is getting warmed up.”

When to use: Among peers, social settings, or when you feel safe enough to respond playfully.

3. Assertive & Boundary-Setting Comebacks

If someone crosses the line repeatedly, it’s time to stop being polite and start being clear.

• “I don’t allow people to speak about my body like that.”
• “You may think it’s funny, but I find it disrespectful.”
• “What exactly are you hoping to achieve with that comment?”

When to use: Toxic friendships, persistent bullies, or situations where silence would be mistaken for consent.

4. Silent Power Moves

Not every insult deserves a reply. Sometimes, your silence or a raised eyebrow says more than a paragraph ever could.

“Disengaging from the conversation can send a strong message—especially if the person thrives on getting a reaction,” explains Dr. Rina Patel, UK-based therapist.

Power moves include:

• Walking away mid-comment.
• Holding eye contact, saying nothing.
• Laughing and changing the subject.

Personal Experience: The First Time I Said “That’s Not Okay”

It took me 24 years to learn to say this phrase confidently:
“Please don’t comment on my appearance. It’s not helpful.”

I used it on a colleague who thought he was being “bantery” about my weight. His face turned red. He never did it again. I didn’t say it to embarrass him—I said it to reclaim myself. And it worked.

Expert Insight: What to Do When It’s Someone You Love

Insults from strangers hurt. But comments from people we care about? They cut even deeper.

Dr. Lindsay Kite, co-author of More Than a Body, explains:

“Even well-meaning loved ones can cause harm if they focus too much on appearance. Shift the conversation toward values, not visuals.”

Try saying:

• “You probably don’t mean it that way, but comments like that make me feel self-conscious.”
• “Let’s talk about something else—I’d rather focus on things that matter.”

Why These Comebacks Work (and Feel Empowering)

The real win isn’t the snappy reply—it’s the shift in mindset. Once you realise your worth isn’t tied to anyone’s commentary, something powerful happens:

You stop shrinking. You stop explaining. You start living fully.

As Brené Brown puts it:

“If you live for people’s acceptance, you’ll die from their rejection.”

Evergreen Self-Talk: Internal Comebacks That Keep You Centred

You won’t always have the perfect comeback. But you can control how you speak to yourself.

Here are a few affirmations to carry with you:

• “My body is not up for debate.”
• “Their words don’t define my reality.”
• “Confidence is quieter than cruelty.”

FAQs:

What is a respectful way to respond to a comment about your appearance?

Answer: Use assertive but calm language like, “I’d prefer we didn’t talk about how I look.”

Should I confront someone who keeps making fun of my looks?

Answer: Yes—set boundaries directly. Repeated insults can become emotional abuse.How can I stop caring about people’s comments on my looks?

Answer: Practice self-compassion, unfollow appearance-focused media, and surround yourself with body-positive voices.

Can humour help defuse a rude comment?

Answer: Absolutely. A witty, confident reply can change the dynamic—and show you’re unfazed.

Related: Response to ‘How Have You Been Doing?’

Final Takeaways: What You Can Do Today

• Pick 3 comebacks that resonate and rehearse them out loud.
• Identify triggers—who often makes these comments, and why?
• Start redirecting conversations when looks-based topics arise.
• Use your voice—even a simple “That’s not okay” can be life-changing.

Let’s Talk—What’s Your Go-To Comeback?

Have you ever shut down a looks-based insult in a way that left you feeling proud? Share it in the comments—or send me a message. The more we talk about this, the stronger we get.